like my favorite beatle once said
'all you need is love'
who then went on to get with yoko ono.
and the rest is thankfully history.

througout my long days of boredom
hours of painting
scrapbooking my wedding
and foreverness of tv
cleaning our house
trying to find errands to run
heart to hearts with gramma
kickboxing and cardio videos
lists of my achievements for the day
and trying to figure it all out
i wonder why i have this?
i want to be sucessful
i want to earn money to put away for romania
i want to live the life God has called me to
and i SO eagerly want
and yet.......
beyond asking for prayer
asking for clear signs to mask my weakening faith
what is this?
we live in a beautiful world
why can i not feel beautiful?
not the world's idea
i'm sick of those wrinkle erasing, long sleekest hair, lose 30 in 30 commercials.
i so deeply want God's idea of a beautiful creation
definition please?
i don't kow if we'll ever know.
but i think part of it is placing flags on mountians
big or small
that you have conquered.
for Him.
for yourself.
for those people your heart breaks for.
maybe i'm just looking FOR my mountain to climb.
we'll go with that//

to put it in simple terms...things are better.
ryan and i had an amazing weekend which included.......
CIRQUE DU SOILEL
or however it is spelled correctly.
i was inspired and in awe.
it was beyond words.
i just wanted to grap a long piece of ribbon
and swing from the rafters of Rexall.
Delicately yet boldly dangling in all my strength.
luckily i have a husband that keeps me grounded and sane.

God has created so many beautiness things.
but also given people enchanting ideas of how to portray everything.
God rocks my little world.

tests and trials
i've learned over the past little while that we all have limits.
and all our limits are different.
mine seem to play a larger part in my life than i wish for them to.
like hospitals.
ever since my "dad incident" i can not do hospitals.
i just can't.
but with God's help and a little support from my best friend ry,
i did it.
i usually freak in hospitals.
especially those stuffy elevators.
but last night for about 19 minutes i was ok.
sick huh?
well i'm right now working on getting over all this anxiety and panic attacks so i can actually live my life.
but those limits are a debilitating thing.
i praise God that i have an unbelievable husband to help me though.
along with an amazingly supportive family and group of friends.
to all of you who thought i was confident in myself......
i am.
i'm working on getting there right now.
it's just one of those rocky hills i have to conquer.
i'm getting my flag ready.

mountains & valleys//
someone once told me that sometimes you have to climb the mountain to get to the blessings in the valley.
or was it that you have to climb the freaking huge mountain to get to the top, only to roll head over heals down the other side?
i'm undecided.
but really, i'm not sure if right now i'm climbing or falling.
i see others placing flags on their accomplished mountains.
singing their national anthems at the top of their limit so the whole world can know that one more rocky hill has been defeated.
would you sing a little for me?
/:

i'm so proud of my beautiness friend shauna, and her new half, heath.
bitter sweet.
but oh how amazing that day was. the lanterns. hairspray. vows. tears. and dancing till my ankle stiffened up like a board. i won't ever erase that. i love you.

say hi to the hobbits for us.

my life as is//
beijing bicycle. 1/4 m&ms. the smell of bleach. and the fear to answer the phone. what if.....
my heart breaks for our world right now.
put down your guns.
your bombs.
your stupid knives.
your enormous insecurities.
your 'all about me' mindsets.
your unbelievable stive for wealth.
your power trips.

look.
no seriously. really look.

here: and when
i'm not sure about this blog thing. i'm doing
something i usually steer clear from and that's jumping on the bandwagon.
following the crowd. whatever//
this is me. i am this.
for sure i confide in
stability. being myself. defying the norm. i am the oxymoron. and cliche.
i
am this. i guess this is me.