r o a d b l o c k s

are frustrating

when you are

impatient

gold canvas

and nothing else

feeling like my

creativity

has to please someone else

that's a huge speedbump

and that's not what i want to be

[inadaquacy....

not enough.

dead end.]

maybe i need to try

another road....

and stop using

analogies

i think

sometimes

inspiration

leaves...

i'm sure many artists

disagree.

maybe not.

but i realized today

that

you can not

MAKE inspiration

otherwise

it's just another

manufactured

fallacy.

i have to be

patient.

so for the time being....

a lesson learned

//

ignoring the last//

as of late it's about myspace

and yet no bandwagons

go configure

changing all the while

things grow

evolve

even if there is no belief in evolution

:darwin

i am among a minority

i like change

unlike my enemy that i am

trying to conquer...

instability

shivers...

i will be a student

open to learn

open to stress

opening my future

stages

chapters

phases

i love all

above

my jesus is real

i need that

:realness:

through fireplaces

and excavators

it's him

even when i don't see

don't understand

or don't even care

though it takes a lot to admit

christmas is an evolving thing

when you get married

first tree

eggnog

gift list

but not the first

financial strain....

but it's part of evolution

evolve//

i find it interesting

topic jump

that some things are swear words to some

living together before a beautiful wedding day

or

taking a little more off the sin table

pregnancy with no ring

spiritual imperfections

not following as so many others

(and ended up in the same none the less)

just find it

yours

not of theirs

i want inspiration

i yearn for evolving creativity

to find that thing that is mine

not a bandwagon

not dependent

not in the rules

not theirs

evolving none the less

but still ignoring the last//

to be deep

right now

is beyond me

////

honesty

with others

looking on

observing

judging

interpreting

takes real

strength

...

fascades

are

frustrations

when you come to realize

what they truly are

when honesty

is revealed

////

a beautiful gown

stained with

wine

....

to begin to explain

would take strength

that i need

yet to

attain

////

no fascades here

just

a true fear

of

weakness

i think

to be deep

right now

is beyond me

////

honesty

with others

looking on

observing

judging

interpreting

takes real

strength

...

fascades

are

frustrations

when you come to realize

what they truly are

when honesty

is revealed

////

a beautiful gown

stained with

wine

....

to begin to explain

would take strength

that i need

yet to

attain

////

no fascades here

just

a true fear

of

weakness

i think

inspiration is an ambitious thing

it can be beautiful

i find the times that i feel
closest
and most passionate
with my Jesus

is when i feel inspired


usually by something very simple too


i feel driven
to paint
dance
or write
listen
or just tell him
how his beauty
is everywhere
in everything
everyone

you just have to use special eyes to see it

time can be beautiful

lately i have been
fascinated by simple things
little beautiful things
or random thoughts
sounds
people

my mom inspired me this weekend
she challenged me to do things
simple things
beautiful things
for people i normally wouldn't
that is a gorgeous thing for jesus to see us do
and not expect any thank you or gratitude


so what do you need?
can i help you....

six months

twenty four weeks

one hundred and eighty three days

together

living

loving

learning

growing

dreaming

crying

playing

listening

planning

helping

holding

laughing

i love you with

all i have

all i am

all i will have

and all i will be

...till the end...

you are my dream come true

everyday

be·lov·ed (b-lvd, -lvd)

adj.
Dearly loved.

1.
greatly loved; dear to the heart. –noun
2.a person who is greatly loved.

BUT SO MUCH MORE

thank you for

the best

one hundred and eighty three

days

yet.

in what way do
you describe
beauty//

? ? ?

that in itself
is a question with no definition

highly over-rated yet under-estimated

beauty is something many

strive for

need

consume

live for

lean on

hide behind

die for

it is

an identity

a war

a business opportunity

a security

webster says it is/:
"the quality present in a thing or person
that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction"

...with or without...

there is a difference

between

mirror beauty

&

real beauty

i'm not yet at the point of knowing

where the difference lies.

for what?

needing something

knowing more

and still unsure

for who?

• creativity is my beauty.

an open path

for how many days have I forgotten to journal
and found myself in a drone of
guilt and low self-worth.
A confusion of whatnot
and no where to go
And what’s it all for anyways?

no distracting
sounds
or
activities

journey after journey


Do I have what it takes
to be
that person
that wife
that daughter
granddaughter
whomever I may be.

And in it all
be Him?

I may be starting to
sew that flag
and write my song
stare at the peak in awe
I may make it
afterall….


One thousand one
One thousand two

It will keep my time

And down the path
With what by my side

The safe place removed
and only replaced

but confidence lacking.

11.42 and magnificent things